Yogyakarta after 8 months

It was a slow evening when I sat on a cafe next to a gas station, getting myself some signal to reconnect my lonely soul to the illusionary world of society on-line. I've been spending each weekend in this corner, next to a big window that let me see through the the gas station and the lights of the city far away.

I have spent eight months here in this city, trying to find my purpose of life. Ever since I returned back to my country, I have questioned the meaning of my existence. The one-year journey overseas gave me a sudden realization about my life and a question about how to fully enjoy living. This city gave me many lessons, mostly in a hard way. Nevertheless, I learnt a lot, though I still fall once in a while. This city, with its own way, taught me these things:

Everything has a risk. Nothing is risk-free. Every single choice you make today will affect your future. Bad choices, good choices.. You'll never know until it's too late. Yet there's nothing you can do but to accept the fact that you are fully responsible for your choice and to be ready to bear the consequences, good or bad. Be responsible to every single choice you make.

It Takes A Lot More To Love. Many other feelings can be confused for love: pity, admiration, lust, comfort.. I fell so many times, and got bruises here and there. It made me really hard to fall in love again, yet it taught me not to put my heart on my sleeves,

You Can Always Be Happy Alone. So people think they must find their soulmate to be happy. Some think that love is the answer. Some believe two is better than one. Honestly? it's not always that way. Many suffer when they are together, many unhappy relationships are built on a base of the necessity to avoid being alone. You can always be happy even if you're alone sitting on a beach, enjoying the smooth wave cuddling your toes. People will pity you, they always do. It's what you truly feel that is important: if you are content with being alone, then be alone.

You are not completely in charge in everything. Things will go wrong, plans will fail, hopes and dreams will go unfulfilled, appointment will get canceled, promises will be betrayed.. Yet you mustn't give up. Try and try, try and push yourself.

Running Will Not Solve Anything. Running away was one of the reasons I came here. And as what my friend had said, "moving away from problems won't solve it. It will stay there as a problem, or worse, it will follow you anywhere you go." I came to realize that I've been running away all along. I ran from my parents to study at college, I ran to Oz from my own country, then I ran here. The problems, now accumulated, did not disappear; it instead followed me here, and I am left with no choice but to face it. It won't be easy to address your fear and your problems, since we are naturally designed to avoid danger, yet sometimes instead of avoiding a predator for the rest of your life, maybe you should instead face it and conquer it. The risk is big, of course, but the reward, if you win, is also big.

This city where I used to plan to stay till next July changed my life. I may have stuck longer here, trying to reach my dream slowly. Yet, I won't stuck here without getting anything. And I do get something; I got plenty even.

Thank you Yogyakarta. Don't stop teaching me to grow up. I will have to stay longer, so be gentle kay?