A Nostalgic Pain

"It's hard when you have a different standard in something and you try to measure it together, especially when neither of you couldn't readjust the standard. No matter how hard you try, the result of the equation is just going to be different: Too little for me, too much for you. All of the equations were wrong from the beginning. I wasn't supposed to let us drift too far. Yet I selfishly did. I needed a friend. I needed you.

That's why I wanted to keep you around, but I realized it wouldn't work anyway.

You were happy, weren't you? You said that you were. But I wasn't. And it violated our agreement before: to be mutually happy. I WAS somewhat glad. Knowing your fear made me realize that you had the same feeling. Yet, it wasn't enough though. For me at least. I was glad, yet unhappy.

I was going to keep you around, but maybe because of that, I decided not to.

Maybe you didn't need me the way I did. Or maybe I didn't need you that much. Or maybe the fact that you refused to try a little bit harder finally put off my hope. Maybe the distance we are going to have made you afraid. Maybe the status we hadn't have made you scared. Maybe my demand was too much. Maybe what you had given wasn't just enough. Maybe I'm just making excuses.

I still wanted to keep you around, but perhaps we weren't supposed to be around together. Perhaps..

Later that night, I sat alone eating your cake. The sky was dark and cloudy. It was dark and maybe a bit eerie, yet I felt content by the pain I recently felt. The pain.. It is somewhat nostalgic. It hurts, but it makes you know that you're still alive.

So thank you for making me realize that I'm still alive. Godspeed."